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He drank all of his parents’ vodka and then refilled the bottle with distilled vinegar and his parents came home and drank it and died from it so he’s got the house to himself this weekend and he’s throwing a huge party.
337 notes (via brandnewswastikas)
I murdered myself and threw my body in a ditch
I crashed my car into the bridge I. DON’T. CAAARE. I LOVE IT.
3,290 notes (via tothyownself-betrue & s810666)
*white intellectual guy voice* love doesn’t really exist…its…its…just a series of hormones thats why it didnt hurt me when cheryl *voice cracks* when cheryl left me *upper lip quivers* excuse me *wipes eye* as I was saying love is just a *throat clogs up* oh god *curls up in fetal position and cries*
229 notes (via bmoburns & assfcuker)
WHAT THE [looks around nervously] [sweats a lot] frickle frackle
31,915 notes (via bmoburns & andrewhussiesbosom)
you better not ever get into an argument with me because i will end up apologizing so hard so do NOT fuck with me please thank you i’m sorry let’s be friends again
4,386 notes (via iloveyouyahoo & tupacabra)
All of you are wrong. The J in GIF is silent. Like in José.
70,162 notes (via tim-has-a-blog & nerdachecakes)
279 notes (via abaldwin360)
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